“Why Do I Do The Things I Hate” by K. Bryan Kelso LMFT

This book is an attempt to demystify the “dilemma” expressed by Saint Paul in the 7th chapter of Romans: “Why do I do the things I hate”?  Puzzled by this as a human being for most of my life, I convey my disordered past of relational failures due to this confusion, and inability to find healing in many expressions of Christianity. By use of tools found in the Church, my struggle to a deeper conversion to Christ motivated by this dilemma, and my work as a psychotherapist helping others with this dilemma, have enabled me to understand and articulate many of the roots of this dilemma. 

The best and largest part of the book attempts to describe how to heal the pain and absences of peace due to this dilemma. I have found working with mostly Catholic people over the years, many don’t know how to incorporate the incredible powers in the church for healing, I picked my favorite 3 healing interventions and talk about specific interventions to merge psychology and faith toward the healing of this Romans 7 dilemma. The talks on this site are thumbnail reflections of the book.

Highly Recommended Listening

Souls & Hearts Podcast - Join Dr. Peter Malinoski as he guides faithful Catholics through the stress reactions and responses that surface in the current coronavirus pandemic. Don’t just survive this time; rise to challenges of change. Get to know yourself more deeply, grow in your relationships, and trust God more completely. Travel with us in this podcast as we embrace our opportunities to thrive psychologically and spiritually in these uncharted waters.

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If you've decided that you need to see a therapist, you may be feeling overwhelmed about what to do next. Dr. Peter Malinoski and Dr. Gerry Crete, co-founders of Souls and Hearts, have put together a free course to help Catholics select the right therapist.

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Daily Mass with Word on Fire (3/30/2020)

Many today are troubled with the habit of accusing oneself for bad things that one has done in the past, or having desires in one's heart to do “disordered things”. The video below is a Homily from Word on Fire mass on “the woman caught in adultery,” delivered on 3/30/20.  It's a brilliant articulation on the disordered practice of accusing others. I would add one simple application to the end of the amazing homily: We accuse others primarily out of our habit to accuse ourselves! We often foolishly believe, "if I am hard on myself, I will get better": This is a deception of the Evil One! Beg for the Grace to apply this homily and choose what God so wishes to give us as a result of our sin instead of our habitual self accusal... His gift of mercy!





This was taken from the Magnificat "meditation of the day" on 9-26-20

Understanding the Passion with Our Lady

This is another of the things to be discovered in contemplating our Lady. We ask him to come and abide in us; we ask the Holy Spirit to form him from our lives; we believe that he does do this. If Christ is formed of our lives, it means that he will suffer in us. Or, more truly, we will suffer in him. 

“And he was made man.” Our Lady saw at once what was meant in her case supernaturally, he was made herself. If he is made man in you, he will be made you; in me, me. It is extremely difficult to lay hold of this fact. It is very hard not to think of a kind of mystical Christ just beside us, or just in front of us, suffering with infinite patience and joy, being obedient, humble, persevering, fulfilling his Father’s will. It is really difficult to realize that if he is formed in our life we are not beside him but in him; and what he asks of us is to realize that it is actually in what we do that he wants to act and to suffer….

If you are an office worker and the person over you is trying, perhaps rather limited in intelligence, so that you imagine you have some kind of right to be irritable, well, it is not you at all that must be obedient and humble and gracious, it is Christ, Christ, who said to the weak and timid civil servant, Pontius Pilate: You would have no power over me if it were not given to you from above.

It really needs to be practiced to be understood. We need to say to ourselves a thousand times a day: “Christ wants to do this; Christ wants to suffer this.” And we shall thus come to realize that when we resent our circumstances or try to spare ourselves what we should undergo, we are being like Peter when he tried to dissuade our Lord from the Passion.

There is one tremendous answer to the question which is reiterated to the point of utter weariness: “Why should I?” It is another question: “Ought not Christ to suffer these things and so enter into his glory?”

Caryll Houselander

Caryll Houselander († 1954) was a British author, poet, and spiritual teacher. [From The Reed of God. © 1944, Caryll Houselander, Christian Classics, a Division of Thomas More Publishing, Allen, TX.]


Recommended Resources

If you are looking for some trustworthy resources, I have included some links on this page that will take you to some of the best resources on the web that I would highly recommend. You can find them below the description of my forthcoming book.